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Don't Be Bridezilla: 8 Nice Ways to Treat Your Bridesmaids
Have you ever been a bridesmaid at the mercy of a bride-gone-bezerk?
You're not alone, and help (or at least comic relief) is on
the way! Whether you're a bride-to-be or a frustrated maid,
check out what the author of Bridezilla , Noe Spaemme, has
to say about avoiding bridal brattiness.
- Brides need to remember that their wedding is indeed a
special event, so the friends they ask to stand at their
side should be special people. Not models, not picture frames,
not servants. Friends.
- You cannot demand that people bow to your whim because
"it's my day." If you make an appointment, keep
it -- or cancel it with advance notice.
- Unless your friends are the sort who would host a party
that's morally objectionable, let them decide what kind
of shower or bachelorette party to host. This is a gift
to you; be gracious.
- The corollary to #3 is that no one owes you anything
because you're getting married. If your friends are all
terribly young and inexperienced, they may not know to throw
you a shower. If your friends are old enough to know and
don't, then consider the message being sent. Parties given
to the bride in her honor are done so because people want
to do so. The bride's behavior is directly responsible for
the warm desires of others to shower her with parties.
- Bridesmaids are not Fort Knox. They too are on budgets.
Keep that in mind when selecting attire and the accessories.
If money is the #1 cause of divorce in married couples,
it doesn't take much here to ruin a friendship. Be upfront
and honest with the bridesmaids about anticipated costs
so they can make an informed decision regarding the affordability
of being a bridesmaid.
- If a friend turns down your request to be a bridesmaid,
don't forever banish her out of your life (unless she tells
you that she's banishing you out of her life). There is
a great responsibility to being a bridesmaid, from time
commitments to money commitments to showering you with extra
attention. Some friends are just not going to be able to
make that kind of commitment. It doesn't mean they don't
care for you -- quite the contrary! They are doing you a
favor by being honest with you.
- If an attendant has to back out, accept gracefully. If
you are blessed with a lot of close, understanding friends,
you may ask someone to step in. But if the timing seems
awkward, best to let the position go unfilled. Do not ask
someone you hardly know to fill out a dress. You're asking
friends, not dresses, to be at your side. And yes, it's
perfectly proper to have an uneven number of attendants.
- Say "Thank you." It goes a long way, especially
among friends.
Noe Spaemme is the pseudonym for Gail Dunson, a certified
etiquette and international protocol consultant. Her background
includes twenty years of experience in media and entertainment
in addition to being the "Church Lady" for weddings
for the past decade.
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